It’s safe to say that if we had some of the stuff that we read about in books, in our world, life would become very, very interesting.
That’s not to say that our world doesn’t have amazing things in it already. Like toasters. Amazing. We don’t have to chop down trees and build a fire to make crispy bread every morning. We love it.
But unlike some fictional characters who would wish for a magical bread crisping machine, I think our world could use a magical twisteroony.
It’s not possible of course. Unless someone invents them or the objects themselves come crashing from outer space, so all we can do is appreciate them from afar (like… really far… the distance between reality and fiction kind of far).
But on a serious note, if any of you have actually invented a time machine and are using it to get ahead of your TBR, shame on you for leaving the rest of us in the dust. But also, can we come too? Is it bigger on the inside?? Did you call it the TARDIS???
(tbh why would anyone build a time machine and then not call it the TARDIS??)
All book covers are linked back to their respective Goodreads pages! Any sequels will be linked to the first book in the series to avoid spoilers! 😀
But not just any old magical book. Oh no. I would like the oddly specific honour of gazing upon the ones from Sorcery of Thorns. But not just all of them (but also yes all of them because… books)I specifically want to see the dramatic ones. The ones that sing opera loud enough to shatter their display cases and all the windows just because “those lousy librarians let a single speck of dust touch my magnificent pages and I. am. NOT HAVING IT!!!!!!”
A Clockwork Angel Necklace
Someone is doing a bad. Like stealing your books or something, you reach for the necklace hanging around your neck in horror. The necklace begins to warm up and suddenly –
A LARGE, GLOWING ANGEL BURSTS INTO THE SCENE TO DEAL OUT DIVINE JUSTICE WITH THEIR SWORD!
The angel is also your best friend. They live around your neck. They have to be your friend. Will join you for coffee and cake. The cake is a must, otherwise they’re not coming out.
A Shadowhunter Stele
No big reason. Other than being able to carve marks on things (without using physical strength), and you can draw forever. Like a pen that never runs out of ink!
Plus all the drawings and DIY steles I’ve seen make them look all bedazzled with a big old gem looking thing at the tip and I just…
It’s one of those things I would desperately search for until I find the perfect one and then I’ll be happy about it for like a month and then I’ll put it down somewhere and forget I have it until I need it for something. But then I never find it again.
A sword? Yes please.
A sword that, when picked up by someone that isn’t you goes “ExCUSE mE! Put. ME. DOWN!” and then suddenly becomes heavier than an oil tanker? YES PLEASE AND THANK YOU VERY MUCH!
Loyal swords make good friends. They literally won’t let anyone stab you with your own sword. Unless of course, your opponent is physically strong enough to lift and wield oil tankers against you… in which case you’re probably gonna get stabbed.
Okay but… Hear me out.
Not the exact fruit. Okay, or yes the exact fruit, but without the whole “you will do anything that anyone tells you to do” part. I’d like to keep the “delicious sweetness” and “unfathomable joy” parts please.
Wouldn’t it be nice though, if you’re having a sad day, munch on some fancy, golden apple and suddenly the existence of windows is the funniest thing ever.
Plus, if you laugh for hours straight, it’s going to hurt your abdomen but apparently it gives you abs. It’s also fruit soooo, one of your 5 a day!
Look at that! It’s super healthy! You are no longer sad, you’re getting muscles and you’ve eaten an apple! It’s a gold apple, so it’s not like your usual apples, it’s special.
Just. Give me a magical pendant with a magical jewel, so that I can contact a frost demon that finds emotions to be the most confusing thing ever in my dreams, and he’ll give me a magical, super horse that will become my best friend and we’ll go on several adventures together. And then the frost demon will keep mysteriously turning up around every corner to critique my makeshift campsites and then magically prepare meals because he thinks I might be hungry but he doesn’t get hungry so he doesn’t know but he’s going to throw food at me anyway. Just in case.
Basically all the magical stuff in this book?? GiVE!!!!! ME WANT!
A Sentient Forest
I know it’s not exactly an item… but still. I want Cabeswater.
I want to be able to go and spill all my secrets to the trees and have the trees offer commentary and advice on aspect of my life that I dramatically whine about.
It would go something like this:
“I have so many books that I said I was going to read but I just haven’t!” *wails in anguish* “ALL THE TBRS I ANNOUNCE ARE LIES! I READ ONE OUT OF TEN BOOKS PER TBR! WHO AM I???”
The trees waited for the mess of a human to stop sobbing before whispering into the breeze that rustled their leaves. “Maybe you should try reading the books you already have before you buy more.”
The messy human girl stops crying to glare up at the trees. “How dare you say something so wise and reasonable. It’s an impossible feat! NO ONE CAN ACCOMPLISH THAT!”
The trees shook their heads at her antics… or their leaves.
They SHOOK THEIR LEAVES!
Someone find Ronan Lynch and ask him if we can have a Cabeswater on every continent.
Basically, what we’ve learned here is I want the magical jewellery. The Accessories! The small stuff I can carry everywhere and have magic with me always.
I would have put dragons on the list… but they are not items. Although, maybe if we took the gold hoard from the Hobbit we could maybe attract a dragon and befriend it with more coins??
Or it could just eat us and take the coins.
What fictional items do you wish we had in our world?? Do YOU want any of these??
Do you have a time machine? Are there any books you’ve read and you wanted to just… steal something from??